Author: Cayetano

The smell and taste of the wind

Let me tell you how I know I’m in a good place. Whenever I’m in a good place in my life a can taste the wind, I know how do you taste the wind? Well whenever I’m outside no matter the location if I take a deep breath I can smell and taste the good in the air. If you close your eyes and just take in the air you can taste the flowers, the food neighbors are cooking the freshly cut grass the wood smell for the project the weekend warrior. If I can smell or taste any of those things I’m in a good place.

How do you know what you really want?

I have been thinking and I’m wondering what it is I really want? I use to think I wanted to be married have 2.5 children and a dog. I thought I wanted a steady job with good pay. I thought having toys would fulfill me. I thought having money in the bank with a good retirement plan would bring me satisfaction. Well I have all of these things and I’m still not happy. So what brings happiness to a person or at least to me. This is a question I very much want an answer too, because I want to be happy. I’m not saying I don’t love my wife and children I really love them but I wonder are they happy with their lives. I think it’s important to find happiness, I feel the most happiness when I’m in nature thinking and admiring the beauty of all living things. Do you know what you want?

Meds

I haven’t taking my meds as prescribed and I have been feeling anxious. I don’t normally dream or even remember my dreams. However for the past 2 days I have had very vivid dreams I don’t remember all the details but I do remember a few things and people. I took my meds and went for a hair cut. I feel better today. On Thursday at work I had an uncomfortable situation. But I thing I addressed appropriately I now I’m and alpha and others are also, but over the past days I learned a few things that will help me next. Meditations and Jordan Peterson have refreshed my attitude. I also followed the advice of my therapist and I’m happy with the outcome even though I have dwelled over it for the past days.

Freedom

Today I final understood why I never set goals or had aspirations. When people control you, you don’t believe there’s a future.

It’s usually people closest to you that have the greatest impact on your mental health.

My happy place is running or riding my bike because I’m free. I love been free it’s a high I continue search for every spring and summer.

Start with why?

Do you feel alone when you’re in room full of people? I use to feel this way also, but I realised the others in the room also felt like me. I stared to talk and make new acquaintances. I was never really alone I just made myself alone. I’m an introvert but I had to take a chance and allow myself to not prejudge others.

Childhood

1978 Coming to America not knowing how to speak English was very difficult for my parents. When we first arrived from Mexico we stayed with friends. It was nice having friends willing to help us settle. However, like good friends we didn’t want to overstay our welcome so my parents decide to look for and apartment. Finding an apartment was very difficult because I was 18 months old and landlords did not want to rent to immigrants especially immigrants with a toddler. We finally found a kind older white couple that opened their doors to us. They were the kindest people you could imagine. My parents didn’t understand anything the gentleman would say to them but he always brought me pez heads. For as long as we leaved there my parents called the kind landlord Mr. Okay because he would always say okay.

My battle with JC

In the summer after 3rd grade I was on top of the world, I felt invincible. That summer got my first bloody nose. JC was a new kid that moved into our neighborhood and along with his cousin changed my life. Julio was a srapy uff westside kid. Julio and his cousin brought a different type of attitude to our neighborhood every game they played was very physical and with a very strong focus to win they had a determination to win at all cost. My friends and I played for fun. One day at the video store I don’t now why but I had enough of his attitude and decide to stand up and fight him. In the beginning I was in control but when he punched me in the nose I started to bleed and with the blood draining from my nose so was my courage. Some stop the fight and I ran crying. I could go home because if I did my siblings would mock me.

Unsure

Where to start? and how to start? are questions I have regarding a blog. I have never considered myself a good writer or for that sake any type of writer . I always have a problem writing when I was in school I would stare outside the window or looked around the room to find something, anything I could write about. My goal here is to share my stories my life story the events that shaped my life. Everything I write will be true and things that happen in the past I will write to the best of my recollection.